Exclusive: How to Ask for a Neck Knife for Christmas

Admit it: You’ve always wanted a neck knife but have been afraid to ask, fearing responses such as:

Why in the earth do you want a neck knife?

What are you going to do with that thing?

and, my favorite…

What are you preparing for, a zombie apocalypse?

With Christmas approaching, I figured you might need a little help persuading someone to buy a neck knife for you. Step 1 in this effort is to completely recast the conversation by referring to these tools as two, um, deep cover, tactical letter openers. That’s right, letter openers. Point out all the ridiculous things we use to open mail: fingers, dinner knives, keys, and actual letter openers, which are horrible at opening mail. Then, following the guidelines below, point out the benefits of using tools like these.

Hopefully this will overcome some of that negativity you’ve experienced and result in a great new neck knife — I mean, letter opener — under the tree.

How to bring up the subject:

“I had an idea for a Christmas gift for me — a letter opener! Yes, really, although it’s not a letter opener like you think. It’s sort of a household tool, somewhat tactical in nature, that can double as a self-defense tool. But really it’s a letter opener.”

When the person you’re asking expresses interest in knowing more about your idea:

“Well, the two I’m looking at are made by Emerson and Gerber. Emerson’s La Griffe BT (silver) and Gerber’s Ghoststrike Punch Knife (black) offer a couple of handy variations on tools that open mail, whether paper envelopes or taped, cardboard boxes or what not. You know how much mail I get every week… Both are more than durable, wicked sharp, and come in a handy sheath that can be worn like a necklace. But you hold them and wield them quite differently.”

When the person you’re asking looks at you with suspicion or wild eyes:

“I know they look mean but they really aren’t last-ditch, self-defense, survival tools. Honestly. They’re just letter openers.”

When the person you’re asking points out the features of the Gerber Ghoststrike Punch Knife and the fact that it is called a “knife”:

“Right, that’s part of the marketing of this tool because it can double as a punch knife. But its black blade is 420 HC steel with a ceramic coating. That means strong, sharp and durable — able to zip through packing tape, cardboard, whatever. And the skeletonized handle has a rubber coating, allowing for a sure grip when you draw it from its sheath. Yep, the sheath can also be worn on a belt like, well, a normal knife would. And that cord? It’s 550 paracord. Yeah, same stuff that attaches a parachuter to a parachute. So its pretty strong. But think of how handy it will be for just in my every day life around here.”

When the person you’re asking points out the features of the Emerson La Griffe BT:

“La Griffe? That means ‘claw’, heh heh. Clever, eh? But look, the whole tool is one piece of machined metal (154 CM) with a black oxide finish. A finger goes through that large hole near the blade. Holding it that way provides a sure grip and a lot of leverage. And with that blade, no more tearing up envelopes and creating a mess! This thing will slice a nice opening in virtually anything.”

When the person you’re asking seems to be warming to your idea:

“You know, just between us, these really are great self-defense tools. Worn around the neck, they hide behind a shirt, ready to be deployed. With a careful tug, they’re out in an instant, ready for use. Either would make a great gift for me. The Gerber Ghoststrike is $49 and the Emerson La Griffe BT is $110.95.”

When the person you’re asking says they want one, too:

“I think that’s a great idea.”

— Mark Kakkuri

Learn more about Emerson and Gerber at the American Handgunner Product Index.