How Much Is Just Some?

Publisher-1

I used to work a speed enforcement team when I was in Traffic Division. We used to terrorize San Diego, setting up in areas where we had citizen complaints — “Those damn speeders are going to kill someone …” — and we’d write a basketful of cites. It was pretty much like shooting the proverbial fish in a barrel. The “What, do you have a quota?” and “If you write one more, do you win something?” snide remarks were rampant. I can’t say I blame them if we were really being sneaky, using radar or hiding behind rocks and trees. To make it more fair, we even put a big “RADAR” sign on the side of our car, but we still got ’em.

So, as these things are wont to happen, I took to carrying one of those catalogs you get in the mail showing all kinds of stupid things you’d never actually buy — lime green wine glasses, inflatable guard dogs, door mats with stupid sayings, you know what I mean. I kept it open on a page with “genuine plastic palm trees for your yard” and had circled it in red. And yes, what you’re thinking did indeed happen more than once.

When confronted with a “Great, I guess now you met your quota, eh?” remark from an irate Mr. Public, I’d whip out the catalog and say, “Well, almost, but I have about ten more tickets before I can win one of these really cool plastic palm trees for my yard!” Then I’d show our client the well-thumbed catalog with the red-circled photo of the “genuine plastic palm trees” — finger tapping the page with great enthusiasm — while I smiled broadly.

The really amazing thing is nobody ever complained. Maybe they didn’t complain because they thought nobody would believe them? “No, really, the cop pulled out a catalog and showed me a plastic palm tree he’d circled, saying he’d almost gotten enough tickets to win it. What do you mean you don’t do that? I’m telling you, it really happened, and I demand you do something about it!”

I can see why they didn’t complain, now that I think about it.

But it brings me to the reason for all this. Do you have a quota on your agency? Or is there, as one old-time motor cop said, simply an “acceptable level of activity” on your agency? When I came in at end-of-shift one time with no tickets, my sergeant said, “Hey, you need to write tickets.” I said, “Okay, how many?” He said, “Well, just some, that’s all.” I asked, “How many is just some?” He just stared at me. I knew then it was time to leave.

So, how many is “just some” on your agency? Let Editor Suzi know at [email protected], and we’ll keep your name a secret, but we’ll publish the results of our little informal survey. Then we’ll both know how many is “just some.”
By Roy Huntington